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To all of you who care, this is the notification that I will create another tumblr and abandon this current one. If you wish to be followed/follow, ask me about the new one.
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Confidence has arose. But future got blackened. After all the drama between me and my ex, I unlocked myself from a birdhouse and flew into the sky. Still not complete but definitely closer to ideal. I feel as if I have lost my innocence but I have become what I want to be. I am truly stubborn.so stubborn that I could call myself lustful for what I want to gain. Very impure but truly beautiful at the same time. I have started to figure out the cycle and the system hidden in he society as well. This could lead to realization and drop me to depression about how corrupted we are but I believe if I have figured out and could get on the flow with addition of my style, I will definitely succeed. Slowly but steadily, summing up all the ups and downs, I will desperately grab on to the rope of success. Soon I will fly into the sky where my happiness belongs.
Lol at the wording. I know it sounds cheesy and everything but this is it. My story of life. I am the star in my life.
I wanted to get busy and I was actually willing to be too busy but now that I am too busy, I am struggling real hard. Seriously, no time for these god damn projects. How the fuck am I suppose to complete and turn in 64 pages of rendering work when my schedule is completely filled up? I don’t even have a weekend anymore. This attempt of cooperating work and school is ending up as a failure. I guess I could’ve been smarter about this… I hope I could drop this class for now and retake it sometime when I got more time.
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Right after I broke up with my girlfriend, I feel this significant change in me which I became a totally busy man from no job procrastinator. How interesting is this? I’m pushing myself to my limit but at least I’m not destroying myself like what my ex was been doing.
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So from what I have confirmed, if one has a problem and never fixes, the one does not know about it’s problem. if one does not understand theconcept of problem, origin of it, the one will not proceed anywhere in life. I have already got recent proof. One had no idea what it was doing. It was seeking for a step but denying the truth. If it denies, it ignores the cause and tries to figure out alternatively as well as blame others. If it blames, it makes the one feel higher up although it is denying the truth. Then it will get deluded by the ideal self hiding behind the reality and that will take it no where. It ended up blaming everything on me and left thinking it is better when, in reality, I was the one who was better in it’s wording, who could understand my weakness and consider fixing. Another is simply had no understanding of it’s cause of being called a Jew. It probably didn’t bother to wonder why he was being called and why others started to turn against him. Not only it had no understanding but it also had no will to solve. It is just depressing how people could be so ignorant that they don’t face the truth and don’t even bother to become a better being.
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There’s no other way besides creeping up to my tumblr and know that kind of personal problems/improvements. I never really told anyone besides few of my close friends. Never told anyone in their group at least. This makes me feel awkward to post up more stuff, but in the end I always think “oh well, I’m just using this tumblr just for me anyway. Idgaf who reads.” So it does make me wonder, but I really don’t give a flying fuck.
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Less slutty girl please. Slutty girls are problem. It’s like. Living problems/dramas.
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Although I only have got in serious relationship with just 2 people including you, you treated me the best out of everyone. Even if I included those who were pretty similar to girlfriend, you were the best. I thank you from all I got. I understand why you said you didn’t want the jacket back. I understand you didn’t want to remember me as much as possible. And in the end you thanked me. From how you sounded through the phone, I could clearly tell you still liked me and you are dating other guy just to make me feel bad. But I don’t feel jealous or anything. I don’t hold any grudges on you or feel revengeful toward you. I rather feel thankful. I thank you because you could approach so close that my thinking and everything could make some change. I knew my living style was bad. I knew I could have end up as low life. I knew smoking was bad. I knew my laziness could destroy my future. But you taught me school is very important. You taught me work is as important as well. And more importantly, you, most likely unconsciously though, became my mirror and taught me many things that was also my bad habits. I understood I had bad habits and attitude I could have never thought of by myself. I realized I am pretty prideful and I give attitude toward others especially in Japanese. Pride is even one of the deadly sins. Obviously it would add more weight in life if I was prideful. So I decided to throw that useless pride away. I also figured why I was always prideful. It was to protect myself. I used such thing as “pride” as a shield to hurt me because I am sensitive and fragile just like you. So I needed to forcefully build a shield so I won’t get hurt that easily. But such pride would give me more misery. I just decided to throw such thing. Rather giving a shield to myself, I would take the pain and become stronger and better. Pain is important to become big and successful. I will just take those pain and become big in the future. This way I can use that as a motivation without being prideful. As for attitude, my social life and future depends on my attitude. Rather giving people an attitude to bring myself up, I thought becoming positive and nice would attract more people. That way I can get closer to bright future as well. As for school and work, I decided to work really hard and support my family asap. I already made so much mess with my accidents and my grade reports. Already made my parents worry and sucked up their money just for my own good. I’m tired of those impiety. I feel sorry for my parents deep in my heart. And I want to thank you for giving me motivation.
I knew you cried after the phone call. I didn’t want to see you sad, but this was inevitable. I did all I could. Just like you said, it seems impossible for me to keep you as my girl for now. Your emotions are too unstable and you just want someone to be you because you are very lonely and sad deep in your heart. You may still want to show me that you are winning the breakup, but honestly, relationship isn’t about winning or losing. It’s about experience. You learn new things and try to become better. I don’t know about you, but I have definitely learned new things and definitely be able to become a better man. As for this, I would definitely be the winning one, but again, there’s no such thing as win or lose.
I hope you have listened to the song I dedicated to you. It is a Chinese song and it is called 最好的我 and it is about importance of friends. I consider you as one of the closest friend from now on. That song describes my feeling toward you right now and I would be more than happy to see you again when you are ready. When you are ready, I would make my move once again, to start everything over with both of us completely different than now.
I thank you for being there for me. Now I’m gonna work my ass off for years. My estimate would be 5 years. I will probably not gonna see you during those years, but let’s meet again good friend! I’ll change myself and become better. Way better. And I will be waiting for you in 5 years!
Farewell, one of my most important people in the world!
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The reason why you thought there’s a wall between us. Why we always got in an argument. Why we had misunderstandings when we were talking here and there. Why we can’t really talk in equal point of view. It’s because you and your thinking are too immature. I’m not trying to put myself above or be cocky but it’s just the truth. Why? Because first of all you hold grudges on people. Secondly you say you don’t want to lose no matter what although you keep running away from things you don’t like without trying to overcome the hate and you keep using “I don’t want to lose” as an excuse to your weakness. Third you can’t control you and your emotions. Once you get pissed you always say something fucked up and always regret the next day or couple days. You’re just repeating your bad habit and you don’t even recognize that it is bad. Lastly you don’t know what you did wrong. You always think you are always correct and blame others. You never try to understand others when you say “you don’t understand me.” By being by your side, I learned you are one of the biggest hypocrite. I tend to analyze situations and other things so I can think of many options I can initiate and come up with the best solution. So I can analyze you and decide if you are a good girl or bad girl. You only look at things from your point of view and don’t even bother to think about from other people’s perspectives. If you don’t realize your mistakes and change yourself, you will be the only one who gets hurt and you will never achieve eternal happiness. You can’t even take care of your own body. No matter how much money you make, no matter if you are balling enough to buy yourself a car, if you can’t even take care of yourself, you will just burn out and fuck up in the end. I hate to see you sad but you are leading yourself into a shithole and I can’t stop you anymore because I’m not even your bf anymore and I lost the right to. I still want you to be happy but all I can do is to wish for it. I really hope you realize your bad habit and change yourself. When you become a whole new person with brighter future, I will come back to you and be your man.
Hahahaha I learned so much from this relationship. I’m quite very proud of myself 8) I got more confident and I got my academic decision as well. Although we broke up and she turned away on me, other than that it’s pretty successful! We became back to friends too. Now I know what to focus on and start bboy again. Started going to gym as well! I feel my life is becoming better and better :D She said she likes someone else but let’s see if that’s really true or not. Even if it’s true it’s most likely a rebound otherwise you would just show you are a fucked up person to get a new guy so quickly after breaking up with me. Kekekeke pretty happy ironically. I’m just gonna believe myself and live my life!
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